The Lettuce Wars

The other day I had a weird dream. I mean it’s not really weird weird, if you know what I mean. I mean it’s not weird for me, since I get dreams like this all the time.

So. Once upon a time there was a perfect lettuce head. It was a healthy green color and glistened with shiny moisture that reflected beautiful light. Everyone liked the lettuce, because no one has seen a perfect lettuce head before. One day, however, someone stole a leaf from the revered lettuce. It made everyone badshit mad. As these things go, the batshit mad people went to war. They wanted their perfect lettuce back, but how? Nobody knew, so they killed each other.

I think I was a soldier in the war. I was in a wet market looking for a solution to the problem. I was just wandering around, not knowing where to go, when I came by a hidden nook in the enormous market. In the middle of it sat a perfect lettuce head, in a healthy green color, reflecting beautiful light. But wait, what else do I see?

A Cylon was standing near the lettuce, about to touch it. The Caprica Six cylon, to be exact. I knew she was going to steal a lettuce leaf again, so I lunged to stop her.

I woke up.