Pet Peeves

1. I hate it when people touch my head. No one is supposed to touch my head, for the love of god.

2. I hate it when people tap their hands or feet. It drives me insane. It’s the most irritating thing in the world.

3. Scratch that. The most irritating thing is the world is when people breathe. I hate it when people breathe and I am made aware of it. Imagine feeling someone’s chest rise up and down, air escaping through his mouth and nose, in a monotonous pattern. The repetitiveness of the whole thing just kills me.

4. Oh, I also dislike heartbeats.

5. I am grossed out when strangers’ hair or skin brushes mine. That is simply the grossest thing in the whole history of the world. Imagine that prickly sensation, ever so softly caressing your skin—from another person’s head! Imagine the sweaty sticky arm of a person making contact with your dry, smooth arm. Yuck.

6. I hate it when people call me Aissa just to piss me off. Grow up people. We’re not in third grade.

7. Wet feet also kills me. This is why I have lots of boots. I would like to avoid muddified booger, saliva, mucus, and dirt giving my feet a beauty bath.

8. Slow lines. Of course.

9. Stupid people. Of course.

10. Sitting down in a bus and everyone else is standing up, restricting access to air and light.

11. Noisy restaurants.

12. Taxi drivers who are mad at passengers because A.) There is a traffic jam in the middle of rush hour B.) No reason, they’re jusr being their usual assholey selves. It’s not like they’re doing me a favor; I’m going to fucking pay their asses when I get off.

13. Trucks that have less than 18 wheels. Why bother being a truck if you only have 12 wheels? Or only 16, for that matter?