Ex Oh

January 21, 2009

They say, if you don’t know what to write write the first thing that comes to your mind. You don’t have to care about your grammar or spelling. Political correctness be damned. You just have to write and screw what comes out of your head.

 

I like Sugarfree’s “Prom” a lot. It reminds me of my junior prom. It was a very romantic and special time for me and whenever I remember it I feel so…young and unencumbered. My date was my crush (although I knock myself silly thinking about how I could have possibly liked him. He’s nice, but not really my type when you come right down to it). Anyway, I wore a lavender dress, I was thin, we danced to “King and Queen of Hearts” and I still remember every moment. Sugarfree’s song didn’t play during the prom nor was it anything near to being one of my favorite songs at that time, but its beat, tone, and general joie de vivre reminds me so much of how I felt during my first ever prom: young, free, kilig. Naks.

 

Thinking about Sugarfree reminds of my thesis adviser, if you can call him that. He plays base for the band. I chose him to help me along my seminal paper because he is very intelligent, entertaining, enthusiastic about teaching (although you woulnd’t believe that too much since he holds class only 50% of the whole sem) and most important of all—he’s very lucid and straightforward. I was having trouble with my topic, which is political blogging, but he explained what I could do with it in five minutes and the heavens opened up to shine a bright light upon my face. I like him a lot. He’s good.

 

Do you know what I call my dogs now? Mogart, Mector, and Moopy. I like how the “m” sounds before their name. In fairness to them, they answer whenever I call them that. Their original names are Hector, Bogart, and Toopy so it’s kind of a no brainer eh? Also, when they sleep, they like arranging themselves in monochromatic order (they’re all brown) from light brown, which is Moopy, to medium brown, Mector and dark brown, Mogart. I’ve seen it happen more than twice. San ka naman nakakita ng ganon?

 

Speaking of dogs, my Lolo’s puppy, Kokoy, died. Out of all his dogs it was the only one that liked me and I liked back. It’s very smart and affectionate. I keep telling my mom to adopt it for the past three weeks but she didn’t want another dog—it’s hard to feed three dogs as it is, the amount of food were giving them a day is enough to feed a small family. Anyway, Kokoy died yesterday because it ate something nasty. Not surprising as my Lolo keeps a lot of odds and ends lying about his house. My heart broke. Sigh. I really liked that dog.

 

You know what else I’d like? Well, you should start finding out because my birthday is in three weeks. I’m turning 21! I’ll be super legal. Imagine, three years ago I was 18. And two years before that I was 16. It’s so depressing when one puts things in perspective like that. You’re at an awkward place because you’re not old enough to learn what you needed to learn by that age, and yet you’re still too young that you feel like it just swooped past and left you unable to get the most out of it. This is a little vague, I know, but I think you can catch my drift. 

 

Why is age such a depressing topic? I always thought that it’s just in my head. Then tiny wrinkles started showing up on the crease of my eyes, and my lids are starting to droop a little. Nothing a little makeup can’t solve, really, but these few tiny wrinkles make me more aware of my mortality. Come to think of it, everything reminds me of my imminent death so much that I don’t really think too much about it. Disensitization, if you may. Any one of us can die any moment and since I’m not too worried about the afterlife I’m not too worried about when I’ll get there. Age, well, it’s just a slow painful countdown to the end. The end, being “x”. It’s an unsolvable equation until the final constant is revealed.

 

Like everyone else, I try to do my best to make myself happy. And I am happy. 

 

Speaking of happiness—when do you find out that you want to spend forever with someone? In Bella and Edward’s case, it’s like, duh. Edward smelled bella and POOF! Love. Bella saw Edward’s hyperreal beauty, and POOF! Love. Coco Crunch. It’s the same thing. Sookie saw Bill and she couldn’t read his mind, poof, love. Bill saw Sookie and, well, I don’t know what’s the deal with him, but yeah poof love. It’s so simple actually. It’s people who make the whole Coco Crunch thing complicated. I mean, it doesn’t matter if it came from a wheat field engulfed with a sudden flood of chocolates cooked by ninjas. All that matters is the poof moment and before you know it it’s coming out of your very pores.

 

So, when do you find out that you want to spend forever with someone? A flick of hair maybe, a special light in his eye, or the fact that he professes to love you more than he loves hi iPhone and Macbook Pro? It really doesn’t matter, as long as you do want it truthfully enough. How do you know it’s real? Because you don’t have anything else to think of as “real”. What you have, or think you have, is the only thing you really do. It’s like everyone’s pissing on a lamp pos, we all think it’s something it’s not. Well, hm, the fuck that made sense.

 

You know what you can get me for my birthday? It’s cheap and easy to find: Lipton Green Tea ok? It’s P14 a pop in the supermarket and P18 at Ministop. Get me a case and I shall offer you my undying love. I don’t know what you’ll do with said love, but it does sound compelling.

 

People find each other in the weirdest places, for the weirdest reasons.