How To Survive The Attack of A Giant Fruit Fly

So this is the scenario: you are walking home when suddenly, a giant fruit fly with four hairy human legs on its right side, and two hipoppotamus heads and two placenta soap bars as feet on its left side. The mutated fruit fly is squinting at you menacingly, wondering if you are easily digestible. One hippotamus head walked towards your direction. What do you do? Here are a few simple tips:

1. Run, jump, then roll underneath the belly of the giant fruit fly. Bite any available surface.

2. Don’t forget that hippopotamuses can fly. This fact can save your pretty brain when one of the fly’s placenta soap feet starts to bash your head from above, showering you with sticky saliva suds.

3. Reach up to the sky to find insect repellant. Spray heavily, preferably on the left toe of your foot.

4. When all else fails, munch on yourself until only your teeth remains. 

This should help you. Good luck!