I am A

I am an agnostic-almost-atheist. I like black a lot. Sometimes I go to school wearing an absurd punk outfit, and sometimes sidecar drivers ask me where do you work? Wherein I say, I don't work yet, I still go to school. I like corporate-looking outfits too which barely pass as 'casual'. It sometimes depresses me when people think I'm twenty-something, but I'm nineteen, and nineteen is a good age not to mind such opinions.

I am for abortion. I am also for gay marriage. I can't go out of the house without concealer on, and only people I love and respect and who relatively love and respect me back has the misfortune to see me without concealer on. I am into make-up right now, and lately I've been poring through fashion magazines on the lookout for interesting make-up tips. Five or so magazines after, I feel fat.

Fat and vain  

I am trying to eat less now, but there's a chocolate mousse cake in the fridge at the moment and I am playing a game with myself. The cake does not exist. The pizza does not exist either, not anymore. My room is in shambles and I have no intention to clean it up. Since the apartment was built beside my room, it's darker. I'm not into dark rooms as I find them rather uninspiring. I also find peeping panties from fat butts uninspiring.

I am a difficult person to love. I am random, and unlike some people, I don't bask in it. I am also pretentious. I hide behind my so-called intelligence and apathy and say you are wrong and I am right, I am better, but I am often not. I dislike it when I meet someone better and smarter and prettier than I am not, because it makes me realize that I am not really any of those things. I want to be all those things. But you are here and I am not. So tell me.

Do you love me?