Habit

Peter says a lot of wise things, claiming to be an old fogey whose benevolence protects all his subjects. He's probably the best person to ask advice from because he says things you don't want to hear in a way that makes you want to hear them—I mean he can probably sell you cancer if he felt like it. Maybe it's because he's a psychology graduate, but I credit it to plain ole talent.

And so yes, he says a lot of wise things. One thing in particular stuck in my head since he said it one blustery May day: it's never too late to back out of anything.  Marco and I had a fight then which left me rather mad (and if you know me, I am rarely mad, finding indifference a much better weapon) and I wanted to leave him before things got worse. I always believed that letting one person's one stupidity go makes it easy for you to do it again. And again. I just didn't want to deal with shit at that time, the best option was to leave.

Peter stopped me though. He said that it's never too late to back out of anything, but give it a chance before doing that. The second half of that sentence missed me though; the part 'it's never too late to back out' was enough to reverse-psychology me. I wasn't going to let a self-titled old fogey think I'm weak even though I am.

Thinking back on it though, doesn't backing out require a lot of courage? No, I am not going to start to glorify it. Maybe  you've done something of the sort before, reader, and I know that it's too painful to be proud of. Peter said I am not the one to seek acceptance and this is testified by the fact that I've left a lot of people who mattered to me in my short lifetime. It's hard to stop.