Let’s Talk About Menstruation!

May 9, 2007

I feel I am in a sprightly i-love-the-world mood today. It may be that my monthly period is over and I feel a lot better without a pad stuck in my peepee or it may be that for the first time in more than a week I've actually had real food for breakfast—i don't know. But I feel good today and I'm wearing an off-white sweatshirt, a blue miniskirt and striped sneakers to prove it. I'm okay, the world is kind, I have a bag of Cheetos to my left and I feel oh-so-right. Guh.

 

So I dunno I feel like talking about menses today. An interesting quote said that a man should not trust anything that bleeds for five days and doesn't die. I must say this is very sensible advice, because vaginas are dangerous things to poke around with. They can suddenly malfunction and before you know it, babies are crawling all over your boxers wanting love and attention. Also vajayjays have a sad affliction: they bleed darkish red blood every month for more or less a week and they cause havoc on relationships, power structures and the world in general.

 

Man, have you ever wondered how it feels? Blood slowly trickling down to your panties as the pad does its job of soaking it all up. Some women insist on using the old-fashioned thick pad that's stuffed with cotton (or whatchum you call it) and absorbs as well as a basahan. This I don't understand at all. Thick pads bunch up and cause this ugly feeling of having something shoved between your legs, horizontally. Imagine walking around, sleeping around for some five days with this feeling. Add to that the moist, sticky blood clinging to the vagina's surface. Ugh. Thick pads should be banned from the face of the earth until the universe bangs up again like whoa and humans go back to being stupid bacteria. 

 

Ultra-thin pads (about as thick as ten pages of a typical pocket book) are a little superior. They almost feel like nothing, and the blood turns into some sort of fun gel as soon as it hits the pad's surface. Thus, the sticky feeling is considerably minimized. I will die if I do not have my supply of ultra-thins. I can kill if I do not have my supply of ultra-thins. You get the point.

 

Also there's this thing called dysmenorrhea. I've had bad episodes myself. The pain would start in the area below the belly, spread to the lower back after about 30 minutes to one hour, and then go to the upper legs. Then I get really cold and spasm with little shivers, forming goosebumps all over my body. If I was particularly lucky I would barf the whole of the first day of the period. Dysmenorrhea. I always say it with reverence. It's the only thing (closely seconded by yogurt-inflicted diarrhea) that made me double up in pain like a cat soaked with boiling water. Good thing cool stuff like Dolfenal 500 were invented. Or else.

 

Now man, knowing all this: can you blame us when we start to bitch fit and get incredibly unfair during, and a little after, the menses? It's a really uncomfortable and sometimes painful time of the month. We wish it happens less often, and maybe, I dunno, never, but Mother Nature has been known to have a natty sense of humor. We cope with it by being overly demanding and more than a little mean, I suggest you cope with it by being a slave for five or so days every month. It's really so very simple and egalitarian. Right? Just say right.

 

Okay, now I'm done saying my piece of shit I go back to my Cheetos now. I think a site guy will be really unfortunate for the next couple of days because the PMS will start working a little after this temporary high I'm experiencing wears off. Good luck, soldier.


Posted by lizette at 12:42 am | permalink

Previous Comments

Geeeeesh, what a topic to dissect.

I am totally speechless and I must say that you have successfully, scarred me for life. Such graphic descriptions of a woman’s monthly period can give Stephen King a run for his money. So much blood and gore! Aaaaack!

Women indeed are the greatest mystery of the universe. Sigh……

Posted by virus at May 9, 2007, 11:34 am

oh, we are, we are. it’s a nice topic is it not? it is something most women are quite passionate about. only around other women, of course. ^_^

Posted by lizette at May 9, 2007, 11:39 am

question: why is it that MOST of the time when you girls have your period, you pick on us, guys?

Posted by aajao at May 9, 2007, 11:46 am

simply because you were lucky enough. not. to. have. it.

Posted by lizette at May 9, 2007, 11:47 am

oh..

Posted by dave at May 9, 2007, 1:05 pm

wow! i like ur style! ur a talented writer! wooh! can you teach me how to write? :D

Posted by tresebry at May 9, 2007, 1:19 pm

galing! la me masabi! whahahah

Posted by luis at May 9, 2007, 1:31 pm

What a way to say ur piece!!!I suddenly felt that us men are the most blessed creatures in this world coz we don’t have to worry about any of those things you’ve just said!!!And we don’t have to worry about which pad to use!!!hehehehehe =)…

Posted by panadero35 at May 9, 2007, 1:45 pm

Vajayjays? You must be watching Grey’s Anatomy. Just a hunch. ;)

Ugh. Dysmenorrhea sucks. Big time.

Posted by MITCH at May 9, 2007, 3:39 pm

WOW. Yeah, it’s one of those things that hardly gets talked about, but I did have a lengthy conversation with someone about this very topic.

Well done, liz. :)

Posted by benj at May 9, 2007, 5:16 pm

nagparamdam na lang dito. mukhang off limits yata ako sa topic. haha.

Posted by padre salvi at May 9, 2007, 5:40 pm

this is a bloody good blog :p

keep it up, i’ve become a fan :)

*waves placard*

Posted by graymalkin at May 9, 2007, 11:34 pm

lol one helluva blog! I salute you:D

Posted by Shaira at May 10, 2007, 12:21 am

So is there like a warning system with this thing? I’m really scared now Liz

Posted by Marco, the site guy at May 10, 2007, 3:26 am

I can stand the downright bitchy attitude of women brought about by monthly periods.

Unfair treatment leading to, more often than not, physical harassment too.

But not the smell. Oh please, anything but the putrid, dead fish smell the dogs apparently love.

Posted by Arthur at May 10, 2007, 9:30 am

if MAN experiences menstruation, a pill would have been invented by now to stop all these discomfort associated with menstruation.

fortunately, we dont. so we invented Viagra instead :)

Posted by confessions from a cheap motel at May 10, 2007, 9:36 am

lol, dont talk to your gf when she’s on her red day. i did once. haha.

Posted by totomai at May 10, 2007, 2:18 pm

very well said…lizette..:)

you are really a talented writer.. i hope i can improve my writing too, just like yours..

anyway.. give me a shout out.. i haven’t heard from you since i graduated.. you’re working now? that’s good..^_^

Posted by reese at May 10, 2007, 4:32 pm

wow, great post…very interesting…^_^…now i better be careful now around da ladies…

Posted by saturn at May 10, 2007, 6:48 pm

gah~ PMS + overly emotional girlfriend = bad day. whenever it’s this time of the month, I make it a point to either stay clear of her or minimize talking to her. gotta be really careful or else all hell breaks loose. lol

Posted by keysi at May 10, 2007, 9:40 pm

Marco: there’s no warning device. too bad. but i think you can cope.

Arthur: then don’t go near any object labeled ‘vagina’ until such time the period ends. ^_^

Cheap Motel: there’s already a way to stop the discomfort. a way to stop the menses as well—equivalent to sterility.

Reese: Laurice? i see you sometimes in the bus when i go to school. thanks for visiting. long time ha. now i feel old and stuff.

thanks everyone for the feed back. hope to see you back! i’m trying to look for a less generic message but what the hey, that’s exactly how i feel.

Posted by lizette at May 10, 2007, 10:53 pm

Hehe funny actually, nice one. I understand what you mean by ultra-thick pads, actually the same goes for ultra absorbent tampons. I’m taking my girl-friends word for it.

Posted by waketrex at May 11, 2007, 3:06 pm

do you think ultra-thins are good for when i have diarrhea yet have to attend an important meeting?

Posted by nashman at May 11, 2007, 4:13 pm

waketrex: i rather want to try tampons myself. for the heck of it. they said it doesn’t feel like anything. 0_o

nashman: i don’t think so. try it when you’re too lazy to pee though.

Posted by lizette at May 11, 2007, 4:16 pm

and to add insult to the injury, some women (and that includes me, unfortunately) suffer from sore breasts while pms-ing. imagine lugging these 2 babies around as if you’re carrying 2 giant lumps all bruised up - for days.

could anything be more hellish?

Posted by lucy at May 12, 2007, 9:16 am

dysmenorrhea. damn, i know the feeling. but you can lessen them by exercising and cutting on caffeine a week before your period. always works for me. :-) oh, and have you tried birth control pills? they’re angels. almost no dysmenorrhea for me with those things.

Posted by kimmy at May 14, 2007, 4:47 am

Dolfenal 250 is working just fine. Birth control pills sound cool! But I think my mom will kill me if I even so much as mention them. Ugh.

Posted by lizette at May 14, 2007, 5:01 am

^So your mom wants you pregnant ASAP, huh?

But anyway, on to the topic… Aaaahhhhh!! I knew I should’ve stopped reading at the 2nd paragraph. :p

(btw, the word verification thing at the bottom of my comment is asking me to enter “jisms”. Almost by purpose… :) ) )

Posted by Alvin at May 14, 2007, 3:45 pm

probably. i don’t do sex so i don’t really need The Pill. so far. my word verification is sometimes very…intuitive.

Posted by lizette at May 23, 2007, 11:38 am

oh i just noticed. this is a very late reply…! i just saw the comment now. -.-

Posted by lizette at May 23, 2007, 11:40 am

Hahahah ^_^
I agree with you all the way there. I hate
menstruation.. it should choke and die…. IF..
it could breathe… well i guess it could -shifty eyes-

Posted by Gem at July 10, 2008, 4:51 pm

its nice to know that u have your own way of making guys understand us–gurls- more…
most of the time a guy wud think we’r just being unfair to them, we’r just making our period time such a big deal, that we’r just over reacting… but we’r not. like wat u said. they’re just so lucky not to have it. so absolutely they wud not understand… not unless a genius like you will make them understand.. wahahahaha…. nice article. Godbless…

Posted by gratya^_^ at August 12, 2008, 11:27 am