A Diet of Leaves and Water

May 3, 2007

I'm a very self-conscious person and if there's one thing I am very self-conscious about, it is my weight. The gods can hurl the seven plagues at me and the President can declare an absolute dictatorship over this country as long as I don't get fat during the above-mentioned shenanigans. Tears form at the corners of my properly lined and painted eyes whenever I think about it. In fact I'm ruining my make-up job about, oh i dunno, now.

 

Okay seriously. Half of the reason why I don't want to get fat is all that blah about self-image and self-esteem and society's pressure as mentioned already below. I mean come on bones are in nowadays. Thin women get worshiped like the underfed goddesses that they are. Sure they have fat, but only in all the right places—in the buttocks, in the bosom, in their anorexic imaginations. Even fashion revolves around thin people. Look at the skinny jeans and short shorts that are all the rage nowadays. Can fat people pull them off? They wish! I wish.

 

The other half of the reason is this: I know what my mom looks like right now and while I love her and she's really got a great big heart the world wouldn't hurt to have—well, she looks bad. She's overweight. She was really beautiful about 20 years ago, fair skin, flat nose, curly hair and all and her old pictures still make me gasp. She also had this vavoom body that I would not mind having right now. After two ceasarians later though, she lost it and never got it back. I can write a whole new article detailing the adventures and misadventures of my mumi on a quest to gain her legendary body, but this blog is all about me so shut up.

 

Anyway. My mom looks horrible now right? Here's the clincher: I look exactly like those pictures of her 20 years ago. So putting my brain to work I have come to a stunning conclusion: IF I GET FAT I WILL LOOK LIKE HER TWENTY YEARS FROM NOW. That thought really fires up the determination y'know? Now that I'm gaining weight again, I have taken drastic measures to keep the pounds down. Uhm. I lie! I lie! I mean, i have taken to one drastic measure to keep the pounds down. And that, ladies and gentlemen, is eating leaves for the next two weeks.

 

For the past few days I've eaten lettuce in exchange for real food. Coffee Bean and Tea Leaf has a good salad selection and they have the greatest tasting feta cheese on their Greek Salad. I'm actually losing weight from eating all these leaves and shit for lunch. Now since this post took me too long to write and I tire so easily, I shall get back to the sandwich, four bars of Cadbury Mixed Nuts and a bag of milk chocolate coffee candies waiting on my desk. Later.


Posted by lizette at 9:54 am | permalink

Previous Comments

I just said it and I’ll say it again: photo looks horrible.

What more twenty years from now?

Yeah, I’m not so supportive. or I ain’t ought to be.

Posted by Niko at May 3, 2007, 12:55 pm

photo is gone my dear online friend.

Posted by lizette at May 3, 2007, 1:59 pm

As I’ve noticed.

Posted by Niko at May 3, 2007, 2:48 pm

i get what you mean.
it`s obviously hard for sum girls not to feel confident bout` how they look.

Posted by chex at May 3, 2007, 6:33 pm

oops sory wrong site =]

right one.

Posted by chex at May 3, 2007, 6:35 pm

Uhm.. Well, I’m what you would say a hefty person. Not exactly the person to wear skinny jeans and short shorts. Then again, I was never one to really follow fashion word per word or in this case style per style. If dieting is really something that you’re serious about go for it. Just don’t forget that what is still important is what’s inside… but since this is the real world, being sexy is good. :)

(I am such a contradiction..)

Posted by twistedkai at May 3, 2007, 6:43 pm

My ermat is thinner than me, leaves a healthier lifestyle, and feasts on leaves on days on end.

I can’t emulate her lifestyle though, hahaha. Agh.

Posted by megan at May 3, 2007, 6:45 pm

Feast on leaves and your shit will smell worse. lol

Posted by Marco, the site guy at May 4, 2007, 2:11 am

Okay. So I just came from Steel’s blog and the anti-spam image said ‘libra’. I’m here now and the anti-spam image is *drumroll* ‘libra’!

I haven’t had rice in a while (well, Sunday cheat days don’t count, do they?). My mom is skinnier than I am, but I take after my dad. Sucks.

How much weight are you planning on losing anyway?

Posted by helga at May 4, 2007, 3:31 am

chex: it is. because one can never be too ugly.

kai: no, not a contradiction at all. it makes perfect sense to me. there’s self-image AND THEN there’s the outside world to please.

stupette: you’ve tried it? i bet you have. you’re like, The Crap Master!

helga: six pounds. i’m 108 lbs right now. -.- i wish i took after my dad, he’s got a beer belly but he’s not fat at all. the sorrow.

Posted by lizette at May 4, 2007, 9:44 am

You could always skip breakfast and/or lunch, exercise every morning, smoke at most 10 cigarettes a day, have sex at least three times a week, and then there’s the stress from work… Wait. That’s what my doctor prescribed.

Posted by peejei at May 4, 2007, 10:24 am

but you’re peejei and not a virgin anymore! what do you expect! XP

Posted by lizette at May 4, 2007, 10:25 am

You’re right liz, sometimes inner beauty is not enough esp. when the subject is swimsuit.

6 pounds is easy. I know you’ll lose it in two weeks.

Posted by lhynne at May 4, 2007, 10:51 am

108 pounds?

(scrolls down)

I don’t believe you.

(feels too patronizing)

Posted by Niko at May 4, 2007, 2:05 pm

“It doesn’t matter,” I told her. “People have to judge other people by the way they look. We don’t have a choice. We can’t smell personalities the way dogs can.” -Back Roads by Tawni O’Dell

All together now…

“Damn you cruel world.”

Posted by peejei at May 4, 2007, 2:35 pm

i’m also self-conscious… get some exercise to go with your diet…

Posted by jho at May 4, 2007, 4:11 pm

we have a pet hamster and he feeds on leaves and water but he’s still fat…ahm no connection really..Good luck with your diet! :-)

Posted by raine at May 4, 2007, 4:23 pm

Like… mother… like… daughter?

Share ko lang sikreto ng nanay ko. 45 years siya ngayon pero ang katawan niya e parang 24. Walang biro. Minsan, kapag magkasama kami, ang kadalasang itinatanong sa’min e “Jake, ate mo?” o kaya “Jake, girlfriend mo.”

Ayon sa kanya, mabisa daw ang green tea. ‘Yung mainit. Hindi rin uso sa kanya ang diet pills. Adik siya sa damo — sa tea. Nasa tamang pagpili din daw ‘yan ng pagkain pero ewan. May mga diet supplements diyan siyang iniinom pero tinatamad akong tingnan kung ano ‘yun.

Habang ako, maswerte lang talaga ako dahil biniyayaan ako ng ganitong klaseng bituka. Pwede akong kumain ng kahit ano at kahit gaano karami dahil hindi naman ako tumataba. Ayon sa mga siyentipiko, mabilis daw ng metabolism ko. Sabi ko naman, “ows?”

Posted by Jake The Miserable at May 4, 2007, 4:40 pm

haha its as if someone wrote my thoughts for me. im kinda in the same situation. but i hope im not on my way of looking like my mom since im about to give birth already. have already lots of plans on how to gain back my pre-pregnancy looks after i give birth.

as for the salad, i think im gonna check it out. been too fed up with kfc’s chicken salad as of late.

Posted by aMgiNe at May 4, 2007, 5:18 pm

loved your intro :-)

i have friends who are weight-conscious too. they are into different kind of weight-reduction activities. i hope it will pay off.

but i guess as long as you are confident with yourself, no need to worry what others may think

:D

Posted by totomai at May 4, 2007, 7:44 pm

rawr~ i say eat right to lose weight the right way. never miss meals says my doctor~ just eat little frequently. like crackers every three hours? uhmm… i dunno, but my tummy’s definitely bigger than yours. LOL

Posted by keysi at May 4, 2007, 7:45 pm

“Thin women get worshiped like the underfed goddesses that they are… Even fashion revolves around thin people. Look at the skinny jeans and short shorts that are all the rage nowadays. Can fat people pull them off?”

Sadly, this is a double standard long imposed in society regarding the worth of a woman. As we women are *cough!* weighed by our aesthetic value based on the what is seen as beautiful in the current time, men are simply valued according to their financial status and the kind of woman they can get hitched with [or whatever term seems appropriate].

But sure, skinny women are seen as beautiful - in art and fashion. It may be nice to gawk at them but I wonder if these are the kinds of women men would rather take home with [er, have for the rest of their lives.] Unfortunately, real people - or at least real men who have some decency / an idea of what really matters in a woman - would rather to have someone real and comfortable with herself.

Er, enough about that *cough!*

Well, if you’re worried about aging gracefully without looking as horrible you say your mom looks like, just make a good diet a lifestyle. Crash coursing such would probably lead you to return, if not double, to your current figure.

And if it helps? Soya milk, apples, whole wheat bread. Pass on the rice.

Good luck! XD

PS exlinks please. Linked you up btw. :D

Posted by paula at May 4, 2007, 8:38 pm

Crash diets tend to never work. It’s not normal… and eventually, a crash dieter returns to their regular everyday pattern… sometimes worse off.

What usually happens is that mentally, emotionally… one feels like being deprived of “good stuff”… and then overdosing happens… i.e. like ummm… eating your four bars of Cadbury Mixed Nuts and a bag of milk chocolate coffee candies”. There’s nothing wrong with having treats… It’s just problematic when you grab that stuff in large doses because you’re depriving yourself of having them at all… big burst of bingeing.

I know, I’ve been there. But now, I’ve joined the gym, been trying to eat a little bit more sensibly… and while it’s taking a long time to lose weight, I’ve managed to lose 20 pounds (and it stayed off) for 6 months now. Then thing is, it has to be a lifestyle that you stick with… not a temporary crash phase.

Losing weight should be about health… and the bonus is the you start to look fabulous outside… as well as inside.

Good luck.

Posted by fruityoaty at May 4, 2007, 11:52 pm

i’ll try to take all your suggestions in mind. and i hate everyone who has a hyper metabolism. yes, i am looking at you Jake Who Shouldn’t Really Be Miserable Because Lizette Wants His Metabolism Mailed To Her Via UPS. yeah.

thanks for visiting! hope to see you guys back.

Posted by lizette at May 6, 2007, 9:59 am

just listen to this song [1] :)

[1] http://www.tristancafe.com/music/flash/lakambinibottom.html

Sayote Queen loved it!

Posted by Boy Dapa at May 7, 2007, 2:31 pm