Sandwich!

Today we will be talking about sandwiches. I don't know why but sandwiches seem to be…ubiquitous in my life right now. I get this impression because I don't like sandwiches very much; I don't think they're real food. A sandwich is something you wolf down because you're in a hurry. It's something to fill the void of eating real food—some sort of poor substitute, to my mind. Also it may be that my mom would always pack my lunch box with sandwiches when I was younger, and we all know how sandwiches get nasty when left in an almost airtight lunch box during a long, hot day of learning one's ABCs and Maths. The sandwhich gets nasty. So do I.

Hence the trauma. I would try to avoid sandwiches as much as possible. During my lowest moments as a human being, I would throw away a sandwich Mama made for me, wanting to spare my dogs the indemnity of eating such a nasty object. If my memory serves me right, the last time I did this was about a month ago. My mother packed me a sandwich because I forgot to eat breakfast, which is really nice of her seeing as she hates waking up before the sun rises. "Kainin mo yan ha, titignan ko pag-uwi mo!" she says. "Yes mam, hindi naman ako kinder no," I smart mouthed. So yeah I forgot all about the damn thing until I got to our gate sometime in the evening and fear struck my heart, fear of my mother. She can get quite stubborn sometimes about the smallest, insignificant things. I had a feeling that the sandwich issue is something she will fight for to the pits. So I did what any logical person should do if said person were in my shoes: I threw the incriminating sandwich to the bushes beside our house.

"Ano, kinain mo?" she asks promptly, as I nonchalantly opened the door. "Yes mam," I beamed.

My bad feeling against sandwiches was alleviated a bit when I read Douglas Adam's book, Mostly Harmless. The hero, Arthur Dent, settled in a backwater planet with a primitive civilization. There was only one small village filled with people who haven't gotten past the Stone Age, led by a bluffing old fool called Old Trashbag. Since they were all stupid and shit and didn't know a lot about anything, Arthur became an instant celebrity. He's quite dumb really and didn't know how to teach them how to make nice things like digital watches and television sets so he taught them the only thing he was actually good at: making sandwiches. He stayed there for more than a year being treated as a god.

Whatever. Anyway, now I realize how sandwiches can be important to our daily lives. From a certain angle, it's fast food. And fast food, as taught in our capitalistic society, is good. Fast food is good, and babies learn that early in life during their first trip to Jollibee. So making our equation,

sandwich= fast food= good

we derive:

sandwich= good 

Clever eh? I take sandwiches to work now. Everything's got to be on to go go go, also, weight has got to be on the low low low. Because I'm getting kind of fatter. Sandwiches are good for weight loss. One can consume them with minimum guilt, unlike eating the typical Pinoy staple of rice and viand which are packed with thousands and gummillions of calories that are absolute no-nos for weight conscious people like me. 

So there you have it. I don't want to talk about sandwiches anymore. Ugh. I miss the one I ate just five minutes ago. Gimme sammich! 

Another one of them nasty stuff