The other side

Being so close to the world I want to belong to hurts me. It’s like I’m watching a beautiful summer from a window but can’t go out to actually experience it because I’m sick. It’s like being in an airconditioned bus and someone sitting beside me starts eating a cheeseburger while I’m hungry and on a diet. It’s like…well, I feel a dull pain just thinking about it. So close, yet so far away.

Why don’t I go for it then? It’s mostly fear of the unknown. I don’t know if I can make it. I don’t know if I can deal with it. I don’t even know how I’ll be if I get rejected. 

Man, I hate this.

Weird Car

Saw an interesting car the other day. I was in a cab and it was raining heavily outside. The wind is insane, too. Nothing like an interesting object to lift the mood, eh?

Liz’s Stress Levels Revealed According To Food Intake

Like everyone else, my stress levels shoot up during midday. It could be a presentation I’m rushing, lines I have to fall into, forms I have to fill up, or deadlines I have to meet. This is why lunch is very crucial to me - I’ve observed that what I eat during lunch is indicative of how stressed I really am, even if I don’t know it. Lunch for me is like a psychological compensation for things that don’t go right. So let’s see, shall we?

Very little to no stress: Fit n’ Right

Slightly stressed: Sandwich from Earle’s or downstairs. A sandwich with very few calories.

Stressed: Pasta dish

Really stressed: Rice meal. The meatier the better.

Super stressed: Cheeseburger meal from McDonald’s, large fries

Insanely stressed: Two revel bars, candies, chocolates, sundaes.

Yeah.

Haunted and Drowned

Last night, my dreams were haunted by my high school class, an insane priest, and the ghosts of dead Catholic school girls.

The setting was a hotel in Batangas. It’s old and, as these things go, haunted. Very haunted in fact. Doors decide where you should go, elevators have a mind of their own, and ghosts of little girls in uniform (the hotel was a school before) wander the hollow halls like nobody’s business. Surprisingly enough this hotel has become a popular vacation destination. There were throngs of people when me and my family visited.

After we settled in our room, I explored the place. What followed was a weird but still logical series of events that I don’t remember in detail. All I know is that I was walking around and there were so many ghosts and people who simply ignored me. When we were about to leave the hotel in a bus, I saw my classmates out in the sea, sitting on some rocks and smiling at me. I was pleasantly surprised of course but I was sorry I didn’t get to hang out with them before I left. I waved.

As the bus was moving, a priest got up to give a sermon. I tuned out of course, but I noticed something was up when the bus wasn’t leaving - instead, it was driving towards the sea! Me and the passengers plunged into the cold depths. I wasn’t worried because I knew how to swim. I was just so pissed because I had my Macbook with me in my bag and I didn’t want it to get ruined because of some crazy priest who wanted to prove that faith is of utmost importance when you are faced with immediate death.

I was so mad. The first thing I did when I got out of the water was check my Mac. Only the edges were wet, but it was in good condition. It was fortunate that the laptop was in my Hedgren bag since this bag is reliably waterproof. Whew, disaster avoided.

I wanted to hit that priest so much. The stupidity of faith in God and religion in general was running through my head and I was dumbfounded by how much men can take everything so literally.

Where are you? Here and there

I want to post something crazy here. Like how you should never stop believing and just hold on to that feeling.

My unbearable optimism is unbelievable. I live the canned life of your average 21st century yuppie and yet I’m happy - in a way. There’s no way to speak of one way.

I was reading Poul Anderson’s novella the other day. It’s called “Brain Wave”. Overnight, animals and humans all over the world got exponentially smarter because the planet moved out of a magnetic field. Apparently we’ve evolved under this intelligence-inhibiting field for thousands of years. Predictably, chaos rained the first few months. People who have never had an original thought in their lives and spent most of it doing menial labor started leaving their jobs to look for a higher purpose. Wars were fought with even more ferocity as the underdogs learned advanced warfare within only a few days. Others spiraled down into a funnel of depression and then eventually, madness. 

One image which stuck to me was a man who was found by one of the main characters on the street. The man discovered existentialism and then, nihilism. He was babbling and obviously insane. I found that disturbing. 

(more…)

You Can’t Always Get What You Want

The September Issue

The September Issue is a documentary about how the most important fashion magazine of the year is created. It features Ana Wintour, the intimidating and ruthless Editor-In-Chief of US Vogue and her team of editors. It positions Ana as the ultimate decision-maker in the fashion world, showing luxury houses like Chanel, YSL and Givenchy trying to please her like little children craving for mom’s affection.

It was an interesting documentary that showed how much work and conflict goes into producing the biggest issue in Vogue’s 117-year old history. If Ana is the lead actress then Grace Coddington, a former model and now Vogue Creative Director, is the supporting actress. She does the brunt of the dirty work, thinking up concepts, producing fashion shoots, and even dressing the models herself. She claims to be old-fashioned and romantic which is an amazing contrast to Wintour’s pragmatic, cold, and never-look-back attitude towards fashion. Somehow, after 20 years in each other’s hair, these two have learned how to work with each other in producing issue after wonderful issue of Vogue magazine.

I guess the biggest question here is: does fashion matter? Isn’t it frivolous, shallow, and a generally useless occupation? Sure it’s a multi-million dollar industry, providing thousands of jobs to people all over the world. But should we take it seriously?

Look at this photo:

An editorial called Paris Je T’aime from the September 2007 issue of Vogue magazine

It captures the essence of the flapper era. It was a time when women were finally granted the right to vote in the United States. They had a new sense of freedom not only in political affairs but also with their bodies. Women started smoking in public, wearing pants, having sex casually, and generally treating established customs and traditions governing them with disdain. The 1920’s was a turbulent decade that became an important turning point in US “herstory”.

Now, don’t you think capturing that era in clothes, shoes, hair, and makeup is a pretty amazing AND relevant feat? The fashion of the times reflects the changes, the evolution of a particular society. It is the physical embodiment of ideas, feelings, and morals of the times. Some people tell us what they think by writing a poem, composing or singing a song, directing a film, or taking a photograph. Others, like Ana Wintour and Grace Coddington, tell us through clothes, shoes, and makeup.

Fashion is an art, an art as serious, insightful, and relevant as any other.

A Positive Approach To Love and Life

A lot of people think that a relationship without conflict is boring. However, there are so many ways to solve a problem without having to fight for a solution. Patience and insight are two great ways to do it. Some people find that impossible, but it can be done.

On Appearances

Don’t judge a book by its cover, says the old adage. If you were in a bookstore, with a limited amount of time and money to spend on books, you want to find the best to take home. You browse around the bookstore, checking covers and blurbs. You find a book with amateur, cliche cover art and another one with thoughtful, sensitive and insightful cover art. Both have the same author, price and genre. Which would you pick?

If you were to pick someone to date - would you pick Mahal or Angel Locsin? Even if Mahal has a PhD from Harvard and her heart is made of gold while Angel Locsin’s head is full of cotton and happy thoughts of dying babies, would you still date Mahal?

If you were to pick someone to do business with, would you pick someone who looks polished and professional or someone who looks well, unpolished and unprofessional?

—

Why am I asking? No reason. I’ve been thinking a lot about this lately because I need to find clients and present stuff to them. I need to look capable, grown-up, and intelligent. Appearances do matter, and by relation, so does branding. You have to let people find out who you are within seconds of first seeing you. I mean, sure, you’ve got a great outgoing personality and the smarts to go with it, but a total stranger discovering that takes some time.

(PS Payday loans are cool. Just saying)

Flood Advice From A Veteran

Our Cavite home has been flooded twice before, in 2001 and then in 2006. The first time was quite traumatizing, since I was 13 then and the dark flood waters came rushing in the middle of the night. When I woke up, the flood was knee-length already so imagine if it was a little later - we would have all been drowned in our sleep. We were so shocked and unprepared for what happened next as the water rose up to my dad’s waist (he’s tall) inside the house and chest deep outside. It flooded again later in the week.

What did we do after the experience? Well, nothing. We didn’t seriously think it will happen anytime soon so we procrastinated until we forgot about it. We were wrong. It flooded again in 2006 and that’s when my mom has had enough of it. Our house is a bungalow, so these are the preparations my mom did. Being paranoid, you know, is a gift.

Before a flood happens:

1. Have shelves built. Most of our stuff is up there most of the year. My mom had one wall of our house lined with shelves.

2. Buy rubber boats. If you can afford those used by professionals and for rescue operations by the military, that would be awesome. If not, buy the salbabida for adults (not the one you wear on your body, but those shaped like boats). They’re made in thick material and is quite roomy. My mom bought two. If there’s any news of impending heavy rains, inflate the boats immediately.

3. I didn’t realize this until now: get a barred gate and sliding doors instead of a wall gate and doors that open front and back. Why? So the flood waters won’t trap you inside the house due to pressure. We managed to get out of our house because of this.

4. Buy water-proof containers to store all your stuff. Also invest in a shitload of thick garbage bags to store your clothes in.

5. Invest in a nice, thick, rope. You may want to tie down your furniture with it. You may also want to tie your boat or yourself to something to prevent being washed away by the currents, if you need to leave your house and move to safer ground. Lastly, it’s cool to have a rope and pretend to be an adventurer or a pirate.

6. Of course, stock up on non-perishable canned food, noodles, chocolate bars, candies, and potable water. You don’t want to fight your neighbors for overpriced food, believe me.

7. If you can afford it, buy an insurance plan that covers Acts of God.

8. If you’re not safe where you are and if you have enough time while the weather isn’t bad yet, shack up somewhere else during the storm. Rent a room in a hotel or go to a relative with a second floor.

During the flood:

1. DON’T PANIC. Keep a cool mind, always remember your priorities. Forget the appliances, you can buy that again. Always put the safety of your family first.

2. DON’T FORGET YOUR DOGS. Or other pets. They’re family! Sofas float so you might want to put them there, or better yet, in a boat with you. Batyas are excellent dog boats.

3. Common sense: leave the house if the waters are too high. Go to a neighbor with a second floor. This is where ropes come in handy.

After the flood:

1. Let everything dry for a week before using them. We’ve been able to use our fridge, water pump, and desktop computer after they have been soaked. Minor repairs only. We didn’t even need to take out a cash loan.

2. Don’t wait for the flood water to completely ebb before cleaning. When the water is only knee-high, start sweeping and mopping to prevent the mud from settling.

3. Clean all your stuff IMMEDIATELY. Mud from floodwater stains and is almost impossible to remove when it cakes. Save yourself the trouble, so start cleaning shoes, furniture, appliances, clothes, books, and knick-knacks before they dry up.

3. Bleach and disinfectant are your best friends. Molds grow in dark corners if you don’t properly dry and disinfect your place.

Hope this helps! 

Dont’ Stop Believing

There’s A Next Year To Make Things Right

A question just occured to me. It is a question that you should also ask yourself.

Is this the lazy, corrupt, inefficient, useless, bumbling, and clueless government you want to run our country next year?

We have forgiven this government for stealing the vote - for stealing our democracy. We have forgiven the government for stealing our money which is up to now just little invisible deductions on our monthly salary. We have forgiven it for lying to us, insulting our intelligence, and “making a mockery of our dreams and ambitions” because that’s just how we are, we grin and bear the shitstorm and move on. How about now though? 

Hundreds of thousands of people have lost their belongings, homes, and loved ones to the terrifying disaster which is Ondoy. It brought out the best in everyone - poor, middle class and privileged alike - to help out each other the best way they can. There is currently a massive mobilization spearheaded by corporations, traditional media outfits, and bloggers/netizens to gather food, water, clothing, and financial donations. Where is the government in the picture though? Have they done something nearly as relevant as what private citizens have done to cope with the recent calamity? The answer is no.

So wake up, everyone. At least 800 million of your money which should have gone to emergencies such as this has been spent on pointless, luxurious foreign trips.The government was not prepared to handle Ondoy because they just started stealing our coffers and prayed that nothing like this would happen while they’re still in power.

Next year we have a chance to change this by voting for the right people, with solid principles and honest intentions. People who care about us, who will help and guide us through disasters like this. Please dont forget September 26, 2009 when you go to the polls to vote for your town’s next baranggay captain, councilors, mayor, governor, senators, and president. 

Make it right. 

—

For short-term help though, please donate to Philippine Aid. We’re now at almost $1800! Woohoo!

Donate to Philippine Aid!

Everyone is still reeling from that disaster which is Ondoy. There’s only one word I have for it: grabe. It’s like a really good movie with all the cool special effects and dead bodies but in real life HD, which makes it not good. Not good at all.

Anyway, if you’ve got spare PayPal creds lying around, please donate whatever you can to Philippine Aid. It’s a project put up by fellow bloggers gathering funds to give to the Philippine Red Cross and so far they’ve collected $600! You don’t have to go out of your comfort zone, if that’s your thing. It just takes a few clicks. Go!

Eating Healthy Is A Bitch

Buttered garlic shrimp, asparagus in lemon vinaigrette and romaine lettuce in balsamic vinaigrette. I made this for dinner last night. I like it (I made it duh) but I’ll be honest here and say that this isn’t really my thing. I’m no health buff. I hate exercising and I’m not an asparagus person.

I do like The Coffeebean and Tea Leaf’s salads though. I’ll try to copy that next time.

On Independence

I’ve lost count on how many times I’ve blogged here about wanting independence from my parents. Well, now I live in Makati, I earn my own money - I can do all the shit I want. I don’t, though. The first week of my independence (a.k.a my first salary week) involved a lot of staying indoors, staring at my Mac, sleeping, and sleeping some more. The next few months were pretty much the same. It was rather boring actually. I mean I don’t drink, do drugs, or have hot wild sex with random men. I’m your average square.

Then I realized how hard it is living alone. I got bills to pay, budgets to not exceed, and feeling all weird like a fish out of the water. You know there was this one time, I was doing groceries at Robinson’s Galleria. I cried. I didn’t cry because I couldn’t afford the stuff I wanted - I can - it’s just that I never realized how much groceries cost before. They’re not supposed to cost that much! When I did groceries with my mom, all I had to do was pick the stuff I like from the aisle like apples from a tree and they were mine. But now, sigh, now I know why my mom’s weekly grocery budget was so huge. Mine is, hehe.

This aside, being independent is great. I have a newfound sense of confidence. It’s indescribable. You got to try it.

They say I look smarter in person. Older, too.

Are you the same person offline as you are online? I am. However, it appears that there is a discrepancy between how I appear online and offline. A chance comment from a fellow blogger in an event last night made me pause - she said I looked smarter in person. I can’t blame her, I mean, I’ve been beauty blogging for some time now and sounding like a ditz can’t be avoided. I talk about the importance of eyebrows and the merits of having an evenly powdered face, for crying out loud. Of course I sound like a ditz.

I am, in many ways, a ditz. But I’m a well-educated ditz with something between her ears. I’m glad it shows offline. I’m sad it doesn’t show online.

On other news, what is it with people thinking I’m 26? I’m 21. I even have yet to take a payday loan online . I have yet to be all miserable and negative about the human condition. 

Sniff.

The Lettuce Wars

The other day I had a weird dream. I mean it’s not really weird weird, if you know what I mean. I mean it’s not weird for me, since I get dreams like this all the time.

So. Once upon a time there was a perfect lettuce head. It was a healthy green color and glistened with shiny moisture that reflected beautiful light. Everyone liked the lettuce, because no one has seen a perfect lettuce head before. One day, however, someone stole a leaf from the revered lettuce. It made everyone badshit mad. As these things go, the batshit mad people went to war. They wanted their perfect lettuce back, but how? Nobody knew, so they killed each other.

I think I was a soldier in the war. I was in a wet market looking for a solution to the problem. I was just wandering around, not knowing where to go, when I came by a hidden nook in the enormous market. In the middle of it sat a perfect lettuce head, in a healthy green color, reflecting beautiful light. But wait, what else do I see?

A Cylon was standing near the lettuce, about to touch it. The Caprica Six cylon, to be exact. I knew she was going to steal a lettuce leaf again, so I lunged to stop her.

I woke up.

Outrageously Black

I really don’t like what I’m wearing today. I’ve got a black PVC faux leather jacket on, a black dress underneath it, black tights underneath the dress, and black ankle-length boots on my feet. 

I feel ridiculous and young. Young, in a bad way.

But I was hurrying to work. My clothing choices were severely limited due to the fact that most of my clothes are with the laundry service. Black is my default color when I can’t pick anything to wear - I just throw all the available black pieces and hope to god that it works out.

Well obviously, it didn’t work out today.

I was walking along the street, waiting for a cab. A lot of people were gawking at me. Two grandmas stared then laughed at me, saying something, probably mean things.

So yeah it was quite a bad morning. I really should plan these things ahead.

I mean, I’m not in college anymore. 

Mental Note, Things to Watch

I have to remember to re-watch the following this weekend, when I have time:

1. Dr. Horrible’s Sing-Along Blog. An entertaining 40-minute musical by Joss Whedon about a mad scientist who longs to be evil. However the love of his life, Penny, falls in love with his arch-enemy, Captain Hammer. I love all the songs here, and of course, Neil Patrick Harris!

2. Sita Sings The Blues. Nina Paley’s animation is made of pure win! It’s a faithful retelling of the grand epic, Ramayana, contrasted with a modern, pale love story set in New York and India. There are at least four different animation styles and I love how they all work together. The story centers on responsibility, loyalty, betrayal, chauvinism, and masochism. Annette Hanshaw sings the 1920’s blues - awesome songs. It is a story about the greatest break-up ever told. No kidding.

3. Dan In Real Life. Dan is an advice columnist who doesn’t follow his own advice when the perfect woman comes along. The film is charming, endearing, and most importantly, it has a happy ending! I’m all about happy endings. The soundtrack is by Sondre Lerche, one of my favoritest ever artists. 

A few important lessons

1. Nobody owes you anything.

2. Talk to service people, it will make them feel better about their day.

3. SM home stuff and groceries are cheaper than Robinson’s.

4. Plastic shoes are love.

5. Don’t twist your umbrella against a freakishly strong wind. It will snap.

6. Act like you know what you’re talking about.

7. Accounting is an important skill.